By invitation we are travelling around Australia in 2015 to explore how we can lose the “irrelevant” tag that Australians have on the church. Check when the National Relevance  Church Tour is heading your way and see the dates if clean comedy shows on the tour as well.

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Sunday
Jul312011

How Do You Explain About Poison?

My two year old wanted to go outside and blow bubbles and I was more than happy to spend this time with my son. We travelled all of two metres out the front door with the bubbles in hand when he stopped and excitedly exclaimed with a gasp, “Oh ball”.

We went back into the house and got the soccer ball and made it all of two metres out of the front door with the soccer ball in hand when he stopped and excitedly exclaimed with a gasp, “Oh football”.

We went back into the house and got the football and made it all of two metres out of the front door with the football in hand when he gestured to me that the front yard is not good enough, we apparently need to take it down the side street.

In the cul-de-sac playing with his own football was the young boy that my two year old has a toddler man crush on. So when he saw his toddler man crush he through the football to the side and excitedly exclaimed with a gasp, “OOOOHHHHHHH JAAAAAAACCCCCKKKKKK!!! JACK! JACK! JACK JACK!!!

We then spent the next hour playing with Jack and another neighbour, mostly kicking a ball but somehow towards the end of the play there was a water spray bottle that was used to spray each other in the face as a bit of a mini/mock water fight. Tyson would get sprayed in the face, he would flinch and giggle and run away. Repeat; repeat; repeat; repeat; repeat.

After we made our way back inside the house and I sat down, Tyson decided to engage with his dad. He wanted to play but rather than use his words he used his actions to communicate that. It was time, as far as he was concerned, to replicate the water fight.

He simply grabbed the bottle, pointed it at daddy’s face, and sprayed. However, it turns out that he was fresh out of ‘water’ bottle and what he sprayed at daddy was AJAX Spray and Wipe with Lavender and Citrus. As far as a cleaner goes it kills 99.9% germs, cuts grease, lifts stains, provides a lasting shine, and creates a fresh fragrance.

It is important to note that on the bottle are also written some of the greatest statements of wisdom.

Firstly it says, “Do not spray product towards eyes.” It is amazing how good an aim a two year old could have. Who would have been able to anticipate that a two year old could create such havoc with a cleaning spray bottle?

This leads me to the second statement of wisdom which was, “Keep out of reach of children.”

All of this detail is fine and good but is not my main point for writing this blog. I suddenly realised that as I excitedly exclaimed with a gasp, “Oh, NO! Don’t spray that in Daddy’s eyes!” that my two year old had no idea why what he did was such a bad thing. He simply copied what was being done to him just ten minutes earlier.

How do explain poison to a two year old? How do you do it with your eyes closed and rocking in the foetal position?

Parenting can be a dangerous and challenging job sometimes but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I would consider keeping AJAX Spray and Wipe out of the reach of children though.



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