I hear the scoffs from parents as you read the title of this blog but surely, surely they will eventually hear what it is that I ask them to do and will respond in kind with a mild british plum in their voice as they say, “Oh Father, nothing would satisfy me more than to meet, nay, exceed your ever so reasonable requests and expectations of me, your loyal and faithful son.” Surely?
So Tyson is two and is in the habit of running, running every where he is not supposed to be. He runs into the kitchen, he runs down the street, he runs in front of people walking past, he runs and runs and runs. I call out to stop him and protect him from hurting himself but there is something about his running technique that appears to block the eardrums and ceases all ability for him to hear.
Well that’s not totally true, I recently discovered that it blocks his ability to hear anything except the word, “CHIP!!!” In desperation, with both hands full with my twin boys, and Tyson running down the middle of the street I did what I told myself I would never do. I used junk food as a weapon to control and manipulate my son.
I was concerned, he was getting further away and more likely to get hurt so I yelled out the single word that promised nothing, but in a tone that promised the world. ot only dod he clearly hear me, but he understood perfectly the tone and the sentence that it constructed: “If you stop running and come back to daddy I will give you chips.” He turned around and walked back to me ever so calmly.
I did what I told myself I would never do…I confess that to you, but the worst confession of all…I did it, and it felt GOOOOOOOOOOD. CONTROL is a mighty drug.
I now have full control of Tyson, and he has an ever expanding waiste line.
Disclaimer: In no way does Luke Laughs comedy endorse the use of junk food for child behaviour control and respects the advancement of child health and the fight against child obesity. Having said that, Luke Laughs is the father of a toilet trained two year old thanks to smarties.